Einstein’s Dream
The Engineering of Conscious Experience
Chapter Nine
The Atoms of the Body
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is
comprehensible. The fact that it is comprehensible is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein
I walked in to Einstein's office and he peered at me. I announced,
“Democritus!”
“Democritus?”
“Yes, the 3rd century BC
philosopher who said the universe was made of atoms.”
“Hhhhmmm . . .” Einstein puzzled for a
moment rubbing his chin. “Ah yes, let
me see here.” He flipped open a book of
theories and read, “The theory
of Democritus and Leucippus held that everything is composed of
"atoms", which are physically, but not geometrically, indivisible;
that between atoms lies empty space; that atoms are indestructible; have always
been, and always will be, in motion; that there are an infinite number of
atoms, and kinds of atoms, which differ in shape, and size. Of the mass of
atoms, Democritus said ‘The more
any indivisible exceeds, the heavier it is.’ But his exact position on weight of atoms is disputed.” [1]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democritus
“And it says here: ’Of his
seventy books only fragments of his writing have survived to this day’ (-The
book of dead philosophers By Simon Critchley pg 17). Ah! Well there we have
it!” He shut the book with slam laughing aloud. “This book was highly read in
Greek times. It was more highly read than Aristotle and yet not a single copy
of this book survives to this day. Why? What was contained in his writings? Was
it based on experience? What was Democritus and Leucippus experience? Did they
talk from the actual conscious experience derived from perceiving atoms
directly? Or did they just reason it out? How did they get that close to a
modern day description of atoms? William James would assert that the Greeks
were impassioned with hallucinations or conscious experiences of the very Gods
they believed in. Much to the uproar of traditional academia as if it were true
then the Greeks were mad - truly controlled by voices- auditory commands coming
from the ether. If they were all controlled by the Gods how did they come up
with the Cradle of Democracy and the very intellectual underpinnings of Western
Civilization? Will we ever
know that was written in those books of Democritus? To this day no one knows what was written in it.” Einstein peered at me over
the rim of his glasses.
“It probably burned in the
Library at Alexandria in 639 AD.”
“Quite possibly.”
“Can the dreaming attention
travel back in time and see the book?”
“I’d imagine it could. The
dreaming attention can focus on infinite things.”
“I’ve always felt the deep travesty the burning of Alexandria at a
deep level.” I went on to tell Einstein that ever since I’d first heard about
this in 4rth grade I had been raging with anger over such a needless tragedy.
We can’t even begin to imagine what knowledge was lost in the fire. The
knowledge of traveling to other worlds probably burnt up in the fire. I told
Einstein that I believed that our present state of knowledge could’ve been
advanced enough to travel to other worlds via spaceship or consciousness if the
library hadn’t been burned to the ground.
______ _____
“How is your concept of the philosophy of the being
who is going to die?”
“We don’t know what it means to die.
KANT TARNAS Empirical
We don’t know what it feels like.
What happens on the other side. What happens to whatever it is we call ‘us’ after we die? Where do we go? What will we experience
in that moment and after. Is there an after? This is one the life’s biggest mysteries.
“Since you have the power to
intend any kind of experience why not intend to ‘know directly’ what it
means to be a being who is going to die.”
I told him in all honesty
that I already knew what it meant. It meant to give up everything.
sense of loss, pain
and agony.
“Surely you jest. How is your intending going?
“I told him that I just couldn’t focus. I said that
sometimes I’d get a good intention going
only to later have it sputter out after a day of intending.
“The reason you can’t intend with every movement
is because you don’t respect your death.”
I was appalled that he’d make that deep of an
assumption of me. “I don't crash into cars. I
eat healthy. I exercise. I do respect my death.”
The
frown on his face acknowledged that I had an ounce of respect for my death. “Yeah, I’d say for you that sure, of
course you respect your death, you know it’s out there but more so as an intellectual
exercise than anything else.”
“What are you talking about?
War-time? I’ve never been in a war. I don’t know what it feels like to
know I could die in the next moment. I’d imagine I’d become fearful and confused
if I found myself in that situation.”
“Except for those few times
when you engineered a conscious experience your intellect is otherwise an
artificial construct. Your individuality was expressed to it limits out there.
But here your individuality is mere sensorimotor response to the world no
different than any other person walking down the street. To respect your death
you have to embody the idea that not just one day you're going to die. Rather,
that tonight, when your consciousness falls off the edge of the Earth, you will
die. You’re going tonight! lol and what are you taking with you? What have you
collected upon your consciousness this day? Death is not something that happens
at the end of our lives, but something that occurs nightly.
“You're
lazy, you don't want to fight death. You don't believe you are actually going
to die one day. That's bullshit! I do believe I will die one day! That is what
life is all about!
Then
act on it! Let your actions fall from a reasonable examination of what it means
to die.
Hmm?
Like what?
"In
your case, hypothetically, one day you will die. Now, reasonably, if you are
going to die one day then what is the best way to accord your behaviors in line
with that unalterable fact?
"Well
I don't know.' I believe I don't understand the questions.
"Lets
put it in if then statements. If you are a being who IS going to die then . . .
"
"Then
I don't want to die. And I will
"No,
then you have no time to act like an imbecile believing that your intellect can
understand death! - Then you can never be in a hurry because being in a hurry
implies that you are rushing and willing perhaps even wanting to die.
“Then,
you are eternally patient because you can wait forever and place you attention
upon anything
"Can
I find philosophy of he being who is going to die in the bible?
Perhaps
some religious texts contain points on philosophy of dying. But most concern themselves
with how to behave in order to get rewarded.
“Then
there is no reward for dying. Dying is final and absolute. That is the core of
what we are afraid of realizing. That is why we intellectualize death instead
of embodying the philosophy of the being that is going to die. It’s hard for us
to face that we are impermanent creatures. And it’s even harder for us to know
what to do about it.”
*****
Chapter 9 Suzie Q Intro:
I recapped all weekend in my
closet. I recapped my past sexual experiences and found incredible memories and
perceptual details in many of my friendships. I used the gathered abstract
sense data and I intended to respect my death and realize that I was being who
was going to die. Monday morning I
awoke on the wrong side of the bed and went to see Einstein all grumpy and
disallusioned with my path for learning lucid dreaming.
“So hows’ intending the
awareness of the atoms of your body going?”
“Oh, its going good I guess.
I can’t focus. I can’t seem to hold the intention any longer.”
“What?”
“Yeah I umm feel like I’m too
involved in daily affairs. The daily world consumes so much of my attention
that I have nothing left for intending an awareness of the atoms of my being.”
“Ah,” Einstein said leaning
back in his chair, “don’t worry about it. Before going on long adventures one
almost always takes stock of everything in the mind’s inventory. We look at it checking
out what we can part with and what we can’t. We worry ourselves to death over
our appearance and a hundred thousand other things.”
I was waiting for him to be
disappointed with me and turn into a coach of sum sort or a fountain of wisdom.
I didn’t want to lose my hard won ability to intend radical dreaming
experiences.
Einstein stood by the window
rubbing his chin. “Perhaps you’re looking over all the variables of
impossibility, the ones that are preventing you from reaching the variables of
possibility. Is it possible to become aware of the atoms in your body? That
would be a phenomenal feat!
“Well, I don’t know, ya know?
I just don’t feel like that’s something worth dying for. I means what the point?
You’re there for fifteen minutes, but there’s so much to do here! I’ve got
bills, I’ve got car expenses, I’ve got homework up the wazoo! And I think i
have a crush on suzie Q.
“SQ?”
“Yes, SQ, she’s in my class.
We’ve been texting back and forth and . . . “
“Oh well, you need a
girlfriend! If you can’t die for yourself you can die for other people!” He
bowled over laughing slapping his knee as if he’d said the funniest thing in
the world.
“You’re looking for love a love to die for. That’s a lesson
that is very hard to learn. Love, from whatever basis of love you are loving
her is from ego not your heart. And when the loving is done and your ego
scraped off of it - ego love - people call irreconcilable differences. Love
from ego hurts my friend. It hurts. Love a woman from your energy body and
showowzee! You’ll fall in love, dash about the sheets for the next six months
to nine months and learn so much about each other, yourselves and whatever this
grand amazing journey is that we call life, that you’d be superb friends
afterwards if it were ever to end that is. You’d end as friends. Your studies would pick back up, you’d
have more confidence then you perhaps you’ll decide to tackle the atoms of your
body.”
He shook my hand, busied
himself with his papers and said goodbye. I felt really pumped up. I wanted a
big hug too or maybe I wanted to hug him. I decided not to. I was free to date
women. This feeling lasted all the way to bus stop when I came to a realization
point, what about tonight? What was I doing tonight? What was I doing for my
true beloved? How could i walk away from that amazing sense of freedom and all
absorbing mystery? Did I really want to date? What if I projected this
enrapturous passion toward my nightly dreaming activities?
I rode the bus home thinking
of ways to infuse this realization into and I began to think of my what was I
doing to take care during the day to take care of my beloved dreaming attention.
I decided to take better care of myself and when I got home I removed a lot
clutter from my bedroom. I laughed to myself and began to do all my small tasks
for her. I cleaned the apartment, poured water into a pot, listened to
background music, intending to enmesh my awareness in the sensory fabric of
things; while romancing this imagined encounter tonight in dreaming with my
beloved. This carried on into the next day. I washed the car taking great care
and full attention too everything I did. And if I got to be with SQ it didn’t
matter. If didn’t get to be with her it didn’t matter either. I had no
expectations to determine the course of outside events and focused all of my
attention on romancing all the different facets of the philosophy of the being
who is going to die.
______ ______
And then she showed up. And
then there she was sixteen pistols in the wind and a shotgun aimed right at me.
When two people meet like this there is always an instantaneous knowledge that
there is so much more to the other than meets the eye. From the instant i saw
her I knew in a deeply subconscious way that we had the possibility to be
lovers.
She was in full regalia,
laughing and bantering about with all the people in the room. I’d parked myself
on a couch in a house party on a back porch somewhere and she was in full flirt
with a extraordinarily good lookin’ man. He could been a Ken Doll but more rustic-n-street
wise with a shine in his eye that says raging intellect with a chip on his
shoulder. She was drop dead
gorgeous. Her name was Erin and she was 6’2”, brunette and she came with legs
that didn’t quit, lips that didn’t stop eyes that refused to stop sparkling and
a smile that tickled me ridiculously. When she smiled. I wanted to smile. I
wanted to find the path up to matching the sparkle in her eye.
I feared to match her sparkle
too quickly. She wanted spectacle. Something that I dreaded. Ever since I got
glasses in the 4rth grade I’d feared being a spectacle. I didn’t want to be
poked fun at. I never got therapy for it. My 8th grade best friend got therapy
for it. We didn’t have the money for therapy. I noticed my introspection just
as everyone in the room burst out laughing. Erin’s jokes resounded through the
glass bouncing off every piece of wood on the porch and died in the corners of
the concrete steps. I could hardly believe the scene of events unfolding before
my eyes, but something deep inside my silence noted that ‘not believing what I
was seeing as it was happening’ was a solid weakness that was common amongst my
friends and family. I didn’t know how I knew this but I knew it. This woman was
not like that at all. She was ever present, moving in, nudging, emotionally
touching, linguistically bold, raucous in entertaining herself, her man and the
rest of us. Everyone in the room was either consciously or unconsciously, was
enrapture by her witty repertoire with her man in arms.
She talked a blue streak, a
yellow streak, a green streak and a purple streak on and on about any subject
in world that one could imagine. Her eyes radiated a certain charm, and her
smile, wit and indefensible confidence were par excellance’. As I got fully
with the porch more and mingled a bit, i was offered a smoke and took one.
Listening laughing and talking. I remember her coming across as someone who was
extremely intelligent, wise to world, but she hid her wisdom underneath a veil
of atrocious sexuality. She let it all hang out. Every bit of her attention was
focused, honed, and zoomed in on her sexuality. Every last action she took was geared towards obtaining and
commanding, in subtle and dramatic ways, every single persons’ attention in the
room. And she was talking to only one guy!
She was drop dead gorgeous.
The kinda’ woman men die for. Plump lips, crystal blue eyes, true and genuine
laughter mixed in with a budding sense of wisdom. She was not only street smart
but aggressive, controlling, loving, kind and she sold her herself over and
over again to her man, to the peeps on the porch and she did it in the most
elegant, dramatic, confident, alluring, sexy and provocative way imaginable. In
fact it bordered upon being offensive to some unknown part of me. Deep in my
subconscious mind I realized I was extremely offended by a woman using all of
her sexuality to obtain her goal.
There was no drawback in her
no reprieve. She marched on and on and on doggedly in handling her man in her
all encompansing attention. He was almost exactly the same as she was - daring,
bold, provocative, muscular, fit, elegant, handsome in a James Bond kinda way.
He was cool, cunning and brash when he was interacting with her. I noticed that
he refused to be turned into a little boy to fend off her advances and he
didn’t resort to flirting them off either, but chose to laugh in a teenage like
manner and kept repeating his position ‘No - she could not move in with him.’ Internally,
emotionally I was attracted to her and offended by her to an equal degree. I
found that quite startling. And I liked it. In fact and wondered what it was
all about.
She loved the spotlight and
thrived in it. She was to say the least unlike anyone I’d ever encountered
before in my life. She was ever present, and dressed in the skimpiest shorts
one could imagine. With her 6’ 2” frame, she walked around the porch and the shorts
hung off of her perfect ass in just such a way that, if you got the right
glimpse at the exact right time, you’d see everything she had. She was looking
for a place to live or to crash and obviously, with the way she’d played with the
guy, a man to enslave.
******
Once, I got home from the party I set my intention
to be aware that I was a being who was going to die. I recapped for two days in
the closet using my list as a reference guide so i could get through as many
past relationship trauma as quickly as possible. Friday night to Monday morning
I worked diligently on this practical task noticing that I could not do the
task for more than two hours without falling asleep. I awoke Monday morning
with the oddest feeling. Right smack dab in the middle of my day was my death.
I couldn’t
see anything past 2-3 o’clock that afternoon. My body froze in animal fear and
my mind raced to find away around my death. I immediately vowed not go to class
that day, but my death still stood as hard as stone monolith in the middle of
my day. I vowed to stay home and not move a muscle. And I didn’t move a muscle. Still, my death loomed over me.
Then I vowed to go to the grocery store, hoping that would dissuade this overpowering
feeling of the complete absence of the rest of my life, but still my death
didn’t budge. I gave into animal fright. My intellect gave up. How was I really going to get out of
this final appointment? I’d conjured up? I still felt it. In no way, shape or form did any part
of my life exist after a specific mid-afternoon moment in time. The abyss of
no-more-continuity stared me in face and I began to wonder how in the hell,
REALLY, was I going to do get out of meeting my death face to face that
afternoon? There was no doubt in my mind that I was disappearing for an
intermnible period at some point this afternoon. I could not believe it. I was
actually, really dying this afternoon. In sheer worry I moved a muscle and
rolled over onto my back wondering WTF when all of a sudden the presence of my
death disappeared from the middle of my afternoon.
The whole feeling of having a
final appointment that afternoon vanished as if it were a mirage. The
afternoon, Monday night, Tuesday morning, and all the shit I had to do the next
day flooded my consciousness. I chuckled remembering Einstein’s advice to laugh
when the dice are thrown cuz there’s more to the universe than we think there
is.
However, I could not get over
the feeling, the direct experience of witnessing my death. I marveled over the
two distinct frames of mind. The amount of pressure upon me was enormous. It
was as if i was going to die at two o’clock that day and I was balls to the
wall, run and hide, scared out of my wits. This meant to me that I didn’t live
my life according to the truth of it as it is from a scientific perspective -
death is a fact. We all die. All life dies.
The
enormous bliss of facing the everyday world was anesthesia - total routine. And
the idea that there was a tonight, a today and a tomorrow was total heaven. I
was stoked back into feeling immortal and yet, I realized at a deep level that
Einstein’s method worked. The recapitulation, the idea of intending with body,
the movements he showed me had rooted me in the here now and my awareness
coupled with my internal silence overturned labels and categories like butter.
I realized that all of my senses detect abstract sense data. As I got up out of
bed I could feel my usual day unfolding. The morning and afternoon were
routine. I was very familiar with it and I could feel them in my body. And my
body was solid.
According to Einstein, my the empty space created by my recapitulation
was filled with imaginary sense data and when it reached its limit and I
experienced the imaginary sense data as lived experience. The knowledge that
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday were mine and destined to be mine forever, and the
feeling that I was or had ever been immortal was whisked away that
morning. All I did was roll over
and everything arranged itself right in my body n mind. I laughed at the
comparison that the amount of pressure placed on my daily awareness with its
endless things to continually do in the world attention was minimal at most.
The pressure of the daily world was next to nothing compared to that moment of
dying. The idea that I had to go to class, stop by the supermarket, pay a bill - squiller. Nada. Nothing.
Hardly pressure at all. I marveled at the clarity of my attention when I felt
that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my death was waiting for me in the
middle of the day. I was scared witless though. I had no power to sustain it .
. . that feeling of immediate impermanency was a bit to much. No wonder Karl
Marx said, “Religiong is the opiate of the masses.”
To be continued . . ,
****
Talk of Darhman, Karma n other relgions focus on method?
I went to Einstein.
“ . . . and I knew beyond a
shadow of a doubt, that my death was waiting for me in the middle of the day. I
had no power to sustain it . . . that feeling of immediate impermanency.”
“Ahah,
see you’ve broken the continuity of time. Your body perceived a complete end to
your continuity of time. That glimpse is all you needed.”
He peered at me. “Huh? How do
you feel? You look good!” He padded his chest with his hands. “Ah? Pretty good
eh? You look different now too. Now the road is clear. Intending an awareness
of the atoms of the body will be a bit more successful for you now that you’ve
turned a bit from facing the past to facing time as it comes at you.
“The experience will fade and
become a memory unless you solidify it. In times of stress or duress when you
believe you’re being overwhelmed by forces within or beyond your comprehension
remember that experience. Don’t work your butt off to have something that you
don’t shine. Your experience is not a trophy. The understanding of how you
obtained that experience is a trophy. If we leave this life with that
understanding then we are triumphant.
“Dying is the most important
thing we ever do. Remember, to keep using that experience, when your world
seems like it’s falling apart remember that experience it will sober you up.
You will have a clear view of over the refuse your life has become.
Having a clear view death is
a truth that has philosphers and sages have commented upon down through the
ages of time. Keep your experience
around, in your pocket to speak, as a memory to make it more useful to you. I
am tickled pink at your success. Amazing isn’t it? The world we live in is vastly
more incomprehensible than we could ever imagine.
The art of life is simple. Search
out the journey’s, the romances, the experiences that match your heart. Change
with your with heart. Let it take you places, let it experience all of what
there is to feel and to give. All these different human beings living on this
planet, seven billion of us! All these different lives and yet, all these paths
lead to that mysterious moment wherence we vanish from this earth. Not to
mention all of these other life forms that live her on the Earth with us.
Billions, upon billions of life forms – all going through the same checkout
point.
But from the scientific
perspective death is a fact! There is no denying that Einstein!”
“Ah, yes! The view from a
bridge. I’ve been able to convince a few of my collogues of the view from a bridge
but only intellectually.
Intuition,
intent and dreaming, - die in two place at once than lying there dying in one
place still strapped imprisoned in the three-dimensional world. I am sure my
body will die that way I will be standing on the bridge with a view. the view
taht tells you what you already know,
Think of it. there is no
particular time, there is no particular place, there is no particular way that
we go. Some say if you’re lucky there is no particular ‘way’ to go. We could go
at any moment. And yet, if you could have an ounce of control over that moment.
Which way would you go? Huh?” He shrugged his shoulders, lifted his arms
“Big question. I’ve taken you
here, to the view from a bridge to share with you a moment wherein you can poke
around and see the mystery up close. Abandon the ego’s fear of the clarity of
that pressure and when you find yourself waffling remember your moving to fast
and should be going slow. And when your are moving to slow step it up a bit
remember the experience of that final infinitely shared final moment.
Experience of Eternity.
I
left Einstein’s lab and journeyed to the university library where I intuited,
upon seeing a book with the word eternity, I realized I could intend an
experience of eternity. Instead of wondering about it what it would or wouldn’t
be like I set myself to intending the experience. My intuition told me it would be quick and light. I spent the
evening studying collecting abstract sense data and paying attention to every
detail of my experience. I walked home holding the intention to experince
eternity in my body. I fell asleep and dreamt of eternity. I awoke feeling
entirely refreshed as if every single atom in my body was refreshed at an
extremely deep level.
I
also realized that I’d completely forgotton about eternity. Every cell in my
body completely forgot about this place. And
yet I remembered it somehow. My early childhood as a baby came to mind. I
recapitulated these memories. They were so bright and vivid. I found many
instances and experiences being held by my parents friends, in the nursery, by
the window. And spotty moments around the age of six and seven. I was
astonished to no end that I had forgotton the experience of eternity.
I wouldn’t see Einstein for the next five days and it was final
exam time. I set myself to raise my awareness from the my daily internal dialouge and
focused upon my intention to ‘jump into an awareness of the atoms in my body.’
And
every night before sleeping I’d practice the foot movements. In the first week
of dedicated practice I couldn’t get through the first three movements without
suddenly talking to myself. A thought would come in and my silence interrupted.
As I
was heavily into practicing foot passes everyday for up to nearly an hour. I
kept running into the same problem a thought would burst in and create a flurry
more thoughts. I remembered the moment of non-continuity and intuited it would
help if I did the passes with as light a mood, fun an enjoyment as possible. A
deeper intuition told me that I should twiddle my thumbs to the inner silence
and laughter. Then I would lay the lay down and gather all my attention and say
aloud - I am willing to die for inner silence. Then I began the running man
passes. If a thought crossed my mind. I would stop moving my feet but not drop
them just slowly stop them and twiddle my thumbs and focus on my second
intention - inner silence and laughter. Then I began the interrupted foot pass
from its start. I got really good at maintaining silence. I never really kept
track of the time. I just kept my attention on silence. My body become so
relaxed that my body fell asleep while my awareness was still awake. I could
hear my body sleeping, feeling the position of my arms and legs. Along with
this was an incredible pressure unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It
was like my awareness was wrapped up in a sleeping blanket. I woulnd’t
experience this everynight during my three-week long intention.
A week and a half into my new intention one day I was doing this
as I was falling asleep. I had worked considerably hard that day and was
exhausted ready to sleep. I did my
twiddling thumb routine and went into the passes. Everytime I experienced a
thought I twiddle my thumbs and begin the pass again. I worked diligently not
noticing how much time went by. I heard a helicopter in the distance. I placed
all of my attention on the sound of helicopter. After a few minutes of this
(and I continued to do the passes) the sound came close it gave way to a more
distinct and rich clip-clopping of horse’s hooves on a cobblestone street.
By now my body was dead asleep yet I was still aware and the sound
changed yet again. This time it was so abstract that it didn’t really matter
what it was. Then suddenly the sound became a vibration way off to the right
and in the most elegant way imaginable moved over to my left side but it
stopped there about an arms length away. I realized that behind every sound is
the vibratory force. Since our senses only take in enough abstract sense data
to trigger a semantic barrier. The semantic barrier is made by our minds.
Sights, sounds, tastes, touches and smells are instantly recognized and
categorized thereby reducing the amount of sense data that can potentially
saturate the mind and eventually reach the body as a full fledged functioning
organism.
I also realized that
all the sensory stimuli around us is abstact sense data and yet we don’t have
the necessary discipline, interest or passsion to be quiet and yet focused on
the world as raw stimuli. What purpose could there ever be in collecting raw
stimuli into the body? Where is the survival value in that?
By the end of the second week I experienced the vibration again.
I was up to about 1:15 minutes of practicing the foot passes when
my body fell fully asleep. Almost instanenously the vibration appeared but on
the left this time still an arms length away. My silence was impenetrable and, as if it were shy, moved in from the
arms distance and entered the torso of my body. If I were awake bodily, I would
have shit my pants. I could feel some of that pulling on my awareness but my
body was fully asleep. I couldn’t react to ego fears and since my mood was so
light I had a deep sense of wonder and childlike innocence about me. As the vibratory force entered my chest
and I felt the most amazing super-tiny vibrating spheres. It felt incredible! It
made sex look like I’d been playing with Tonka Truck toys! I laid there in awe
of the experience and fell asleep.
My dreams didn’t intensify during this time. They were more or
less or for better or for worse just regular dreams. During my daytime
activities I focused 110% on taking in all the sensory information with my
senses with the intention of ‘experiencing the atoms of my body. My thoughts
were relatively gone. My body felt very quiet and I noticed my worries seemed
to be solved by my intuition. My intuition in turn felt enhanced my logic and
reasoning skills.
Over the course of the next
week I had multiple encounters with the vibration of the atoms in my body. Each
time it came it appeared it went into my chest and upon the third and fourth
encounter it went into my torso and upper arms. On the fifth encounter it went
deeper still into my thighs.
One
day after painting for 3 hours and still doing more than my best to intend to
‘be aware of the atoms in my body’ I came out of the art building and bubblily
bounced down to the bus stop where I saw a man riding a motorcycle. He wore, a
T-shirt, shorts, and no helmet. He was a big guy weighing around 175 and had a
strong muscular body and no leather jacket. I noticed his head was cocked to
the right. I followed his glance and his line of sight and caught sight of a
woman’s cupped and jeaned ass cheeks.
Unbelievably,
I saw a grey four-door car bolt from a stop sign into the middle of the street.
A van had just driven by blocking the grey car’s view of the man on the motorcycle. The man saw that there were
no students in the crosswalks and jumped on the gas darting out attempting to
cross the street. Even though there was plenty of time to slam on the brakes or
do something there were no brakes, no screeching rubber, no laying down of the
bike. The man on the motorcycle cleanly, and squarely hit the back fender of
the grey car as it shot through the intersection. Silence and slow motion
dominated my attention. His body crumpled into a hodge-podge form, squished and
squeezed into the tiny little windshield of the bullet-bike he was riding. The parts that couldn't fit in leapt
from their casing. There was a momentary pause and his whole body sprung out of
this compact space and flew - feet first - over the trunk of the car and landed
with the most grotesque and sickening sound one could imagine.
The
whole front half of my body went numb. I was in shock. I had just witnessed
something that I could never foresee, foretell or make happen and yet it
happened right in front of my eyes.
A girl, standing next to me, instantly made a 180-degree turn looked at
me and blinked in manner that attempted to erase the entire event from her
mind. Tears streamed down her cheeks and as she walked past me her esophagues
spasmed and she struggled to keep from expunging the contents of her stomach.
I
couldn’t believe it. Everything that
happened was very real and occurred in the real world and in real time, yet I
couldn’t wrap my mind around it. All
I could do was stand there fully aware of the effect it had on my body. I was horrified
beyond measure. My internal dialouge completely shut off. I could no longer
talk to myself. Twenty of us bystanders stood by. Silence pervaded the street,
the sidewalk and the trees. Out of now where one lone man runs up to the
motorcycle rider lying on the pavement. Time was moving so slow. I saw
everything. He knelt down beside the motorcycle rider and then stood up
scanning everything around him. Suddenly he sprinted. I was clueless and just stood there watching him run to a
gas station and saw his objective; a big red ambulance sat in the parking lot.
I
managed to turn my body back to the bus stop and thought that I should perhaps
sit down. But then I immediately felt that i'd rather stand. As my
delibarations began I also noticed that my internal dialouge was going again.
The next thing I knew my bus pulled round the corner right up to the stop. The
ambulance had pulled into the center of the road and the medics were working on
the guy. I got on. Upon sitting
down my internal dialouge shut off again. I watched everything. Turning a 36 ft
bus around on a three lane city street is time consuming. It took forever to
get home.
Finally
at home I lay down on my couch and practiced the series of foot movements Einstein showed me. This was the end of my third week of diligently practicing these movement.
I
intuited that I should skip my thumb twiddling manuever. Today, decided to lay
my hands flat just below my navel. My body was dead quiet. It was as if witnessing the accident
had an uncalled for reaction on my body.
I
began with the first movement and paused after each one for the same amount of
time that I had practiced the movement. After nearly two hours footwork and
pauses I was totally silent. My body hadn’t fallen asleep and I was dead tired.
I rolled onto my right side and suddenly I felt the incredible vibration about
an arm's length away from by left side. The sensation quickly doubled in size
and moved into my torso covering my head, legs, lower arms and lower legs and
my entire body. The feeling was not euphoria it was simply astonishing. Atoms!
I was aware of the atoms in my body.
Without opening my eyes I
rolled over onto my back. I quickly thought up a strategy and thrust my arms
forward without extending my elbows and had my palms perpendicular to my feet.
I remembered Einstein showing me this movement during the first time we’d met. I repeatedly moved my arms to my chest
and back again extending them horizontally to my feet. After a few of these
movements I heard someone’s voice. The voice was insulting me and calling me
every name in the book. The vibratory feeling in my body didn't allow me to
take the insults seriously. I sat up to face the voice and opened my eyes. The
entire world around me was vibrating to the same vibration in my body. A full
blow world was in front me. I was blown away! The world I was looking at and
acting in was no longer the world of daily affairs.
The
vibration permeated everything. It was everywhere. It was between me and the
wall. It was between me and the table, me and that tall glass windows that hung
presenting a veiw of an ocean. It was inexplicable how i knew that I’d been
taught from birth to use a system of interpretation to make sense of abstract
sensory data. I also realized that I had successfully employed a different
system of interpretation to engender the full blown view of this world. The
vibration was between me and the floor. It was in my body and it was the
environment. I couldn't believe it. It was everywhere.
The vibration was as
naturally a part of that world as the separation of object by air and space was
in our world. I simply could not believe it! I was in my apartment but
everything was entirely different. This new apartment felt so familiar like I’d
lived there for years and years. I saw my sofa and the coffee table complete
with it's magazine spread. There was a feeling so eternal so right. I intuited
that I had existed there for years upon years. I looked out the windows fully
well knowing that my real apartment was a second story studio overlooking
nothing but more apartments. The ocean I was faced with, the large plane of
glass, the palm trees decorating the beach and the saucey grasses and mounds
and little hills of sand were not there in my daily life.
As I pondered all this
sitting on the edge of my couch. A woman came out of the kitchen and pointed to
me feet. I looked down. I didn’t have any feet! She motioned for me to run up
and down the length of my newfound apartment with her. So I did. She seemed
very familiar to me but I couldn’t quite place her. We ran back an forth a
couple times and she looked again at my feet. They were intact. I was fully
there.
The door to my apartment
opened and other more familiar people strolled in. I couldn’t remember where
I’d met them. They weren’t anybody I knew of from the daily world.
Totally
accepting the moment as a dream I barreled through the plate glass window,
hearing shards upon shards clanging and breaking all around me. I ran on the
beach and dived straight into the ocean. I had longed to breath salt water
through my neck and drink rich in the salute to salt, oxygen and power. I
submerged myself in the depths of the ocean and intended to have the gills of
fish so that I could breathe underwater. As the depths of the ocean began to
surround me a single bright pin point of light shone before my eyes and with so
much intensity and duration that I couldn't help but see it before my eyes as I
lay on my couch. I was back on my couch in my studio apartment. The light was in
my eyes. My eyes were closed. I felt as if I’d been sleeping. I knew that the
slighted body movement and the vibration
would be gone. The experience was disappearing.
Astonished I sat up. Then I
sat on the floor Indian style and meditated on what I should do with the
experience. I was in such awe
simply could not believe it happened. The entire experience was somehow out of
my entire intellectual grasp. I could not conceptualize it or compare it to any
other experience I’d ever had in the everyday world. And yet I assessed it,
looking at it rexperiencing every detail and comparing that to my own
understanding of my entire world view. My desire to understand the knowledge
Einstein was professing grew.
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